My Form of Racism

I’ve noticed something about myself since being in India that has come as a complete surprise. I’ve spent my whole life thinking that I’m colorblind when it comes to skin. I’ve had friends of all races throughout my life, even marrying a Pakistani. So when I found myself saying to a white man the other day, “I was so excited to tell my husband that there was another white person at work!” I was shocked and appalled at my own behavior.

The towns that grew up in, Oakland New Jersey and New Fairfield Connecticut, are rather homogeneous. There was always the requisite black kid, maybe a few Indians, possibly a Korean or Japanese kid. But for the most part, we were white. I then moved to New York to become a world famous actress (see how well I’m doing!), where the diversity both in my school and in my life, increased dramatically. Working at JPMorgan, it seemed I was at a model UN, with all nations represented.

Spending my whole life within two hours of New York City, I was always aware that foreigners stuck together. How could I not be? Chinatown, Little Italy, the Indian section of Jackson Heights, Spanish Harlem. There’s even a block in Manhattan (Lexington Avenue between 27th and 28th) that is predominantly Pakistani. Then there are the parades: Cuban Day, Columbus Day, St. Patty’s Day. Anyone who requests it seems to be given the right to march down 5th Avenue with their country’s flag streaming through the air, even if they weren’t born in that other country. It always seemed a little weird to me that people would trek halfway around the world to remain within their own group of people. I was always naïve enough to think that the melting pot of the US was not meant to be a theory, but a matter of practice. We should melt into one people. That’s what was great about the US.

I rarely see white people in India. I’ve seen a total of two other people driving here, not counting Brad. When we go to the mall, there are at least a dozen white people, which I always find comforting. I inevitably make eye contact with someone and we share a moment that I’ve never experienced before living here. That moment of understanding precisely what it means to be a white face in this sea of brown.

I still don’t think I’m a racist. I have nothing against Indians, nor any other race. But I now understand why, when individuals make the great leap of faith that is leaving your comfort zone to relocate to the US, immigrants have the tendency to stick together. It is safe. There are no possibilities for foibles that occur so often when you’re talking to someone who is from your host culture. That other white face, when I see it, is one of the few people in the world who knows what it means to be an outsider in this culture. And the knowledge that there is someone out there who gets it, who knows what I’m going through, offers me more comfort that I thought possible from a complete stranger.

While I am going to do my best to try not to think of my world here in racial terms, I’m glad at least that I’m aware of my new tendency to categorize people based on race. It’s apparently so easy to slip into a mindset where you can justify thinking of people based on their race. I hope that in my case, it remains a superficial task rather than a justification to judge and oppress people. And when I do move back to the US, I'll try to be that native face who is friendly and open to the people who have chosen to live within our culture. Because I can say for certain that it is one of the scariest things that person will ever do.

A Great Gift

Yesterday was my birthday and it was lovely so see and hear the messages I got today. One of them, however, stood out. My friend Kristin and her husband Andy are in Disney (the Florida one) and they sent me the best picture. I had to share.

And speaking of my birthday, on November 11, 2011, I'm turning 33. That's right, my 33th is on 11/11/11. Being a girl who loves mathematical puzzles and quirks, I've decided that I have to have a party to celebrate. Seriously, how many people can celebrate their birthday on the day that the digits of the month, day and year of their birthday add up to the number of years they've been alive. So great. Therefore, I request that you all put it on your calendars now and start saving up. I don't know where it will be, but I do know that I want everyone to come. And it's on a Friday, so NO EXCUSES!

And now, the wonder that is Kwib.

When can I see you again???

Well, we’ve now been here for 6 and 4 months respectively. We’re getting the lay of the land and finding how, precisely, we fit into this society. So here’s my question for you. When are you coming to visit us? There were some suggestions, before we left, that some of you may come in January or February. If you are thinking of coming soon, let us know so that we can make sure that we’re available to show you India. And please, if you are coming, let us know where you’d like to go and what you’d like to do in South India so we can make arrangements. Travel is so easy on the train and we have a car, so the sky’s the limit!

National Friendship Week

When I opened my inbox this evening, there was an e-mailing waiting to be read from Miss Penelope. It's a lovely little story about friendship, with instructions to forward it to everyone who you consider a friend. I thought I'd one up that and just post it here. The story is sappy and sentimental, but you'll just have to deal with it! If you're reading this blog, YOU'RE MY FRIEND!! WHEEE!!

One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my class was walking home from school. His name was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying all of his books. I thought to myself, "Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd."

I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on. As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him. They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt. His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him. He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes. My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him and as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye.
As I handed him his glasses, I said, "Those guys are jerks. They really should get lives. “
He looked at me and said, "Hey thanks!" There was a big smile on his face. It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude.

I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before. He said he had gone to private school before now. I would have never hung out with a private school kid before. We talked all the he way home, and I carried some of his books. He turned out to be a pretty cool kid.

I asked him if he wanted to play a little football with my friends. He said yes. We hung out all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him, and my friends thought the same of him.

Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again. I stopped him and said, "Boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!" He just laughed and handed me half the books.

Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends. When we were seniors, we began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown, and I was going to Duke. I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem. He was going to be a doctor, and I was going for business on a football scholarship.
Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I teased him all the time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for graduation. I was so glad it wasn't me having to get up there and speak. Graduation day, I saw Kyle. He looked great. He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school. He filled out and actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates than I had and all the girls loved him. Boy, sometimes I was jealous. Today was one of those days.

I could see that he was nervous about his speech. So, I smacked him on the back and said, "Hey, big guy, you'll be great!"

He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled. "Thanks," he said.

As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began "Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years. Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach...but mostly your friends...I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them. I am going to tell you a story."

I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first ay we met. He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his Mom wouldn't have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home.

He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile. "Thankfully, I was saved.” I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment. I saw his Mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile. Not until that moment did I realize it's depth.

Never underestimate the power of your actions. With one small gesture you can change a person's life.

I told you it was cheezy...

Sphota

Every once in a while, I do something that most of you would probably never expect me to do… I write poetry. I am not a good poet and I don’t pretend to be, but since I don’t use my saxophone to express my emotions as often as I used to, I suppose that creativity struggles to come out in different ways – sometimes as poetry. I’ve decided to take a big risk and open myself up to snickers (mmmm, Snickers), and post one of my recent poems here. The title is called “sphota” (pronounced like "I'm sphota study but I'm blogging instead"). Sphota is a sanskrit word that means “bursting forth/bursting through,” but the real meaning is much deeper than that. It is the Original Word, the one spoken by God at creation. It carries a very similar meaning to the word “Logos” in Christianity (John 1:1). Anyway, here is my paltry poem:

Sphota

Have we any idea
Bursting forth from behind
The wailing wall of words
Menacing, meddlesome, magical words
Behind the veil, the meanings are lost
The meanings and mean of meaning
Averaging out the meaning of our lives
Of relativity and relations
“Family, friends, neighbors, and strangers”
Simple words veiling the meanings which
Long to burst forth and shed their sheaths
Have we this idea or that?
Can this bursting forth be
Caputured once again?
Bursting forth from Thou to I
From mind to mind
From idea to idea
Or, menacingly and magically,
From Word to word

Another excursion

This weekend, Brad and I are going to an ashram here in Bangalore called Fireflies. Brad met one of the directors when he was at the World Council of Churches conference in Brazil last February. We happened across him here at a meeting and again in Madurai at the last ahimsa conference, where he invited us to participate this weekend. The topic is using peaceful means to enact change, specifically in regards the struggle humanitarian aids groups have with governmental resources. If you want to learn more about Fireflies, there is a link to the right. ----->

We'll let you know how it goes!

The myths of war and violence

This started out as a response to a response in a different thread, but I decided to post it here, instead. My hope is that we can all work to find common ground or, at the very least, hear out one another's opinions. Everyone has a right and opportunity and invitation to post their opinions in full on this blog. It is an open forum and you are invited to disagree. You are also invited to offer compromises and common ground in addition to polemics. With that preface, here is my opinion on the war in Iraq and violence in general:

You can't bomb people into democracy. You can't point a gun at someone and say, "Act free, damnit!" You can't violently force a country into peace. You certainly can't torture them into taking the moral high ground. How can we compare life under one evil tyrant to life under a dozen violent warlords clammoring for power? And what would be the point of such a comparison? As I said before the war started in dozens of peace rallies that I attended... Are we truly so incapable of creative thought that war is the only "solution" we can think of? Is that the model that we think Jesus has left for us? Jesus was a simple Jewish carpenter who undermined the Roman Empire without using violence. Ghandi was a simple Hindu who overturned the British Empire without using violence. Rev. King brought greater equality to the US without using violence. Nixon averted war with China and Russia through something called “international diplomacy” (I’m not sure what that is, but maybe there is an encyclopedia article out there describing it.) Carter brought home captives from Iran without raising a gun. Reagan ended the cold war without firing a missle. That seems to be when our Presidents ran out of ideas...

Bush killed tens of thousands when he invaded Iraq 10 years ago. Clinton sat and watched while Bosnia erupted in Holocaust. He did nothing again when it happened in Rwanda. GWBush actually criticized Clinton for doing nothing when the holocaust began in the Darfur region of Sudan. It is 6 years later and the violence has escalated and spread all over Sudan and all over the surrounding regions, and still Bush has done nothing… not one thing.

Sitting idly by and doing nothing to save someone from evil and oppression is as sinful and reprehensible as performing those actions ourself. Certainly, we would criticize Bush for not acting against Hussein just as we do criticize him for not caring about the hundreds of thousands (a recent estimate said over a million) of people that have died during his administration in Sudan. However, responding to violence with violence is not a solution and it certainly isn't the only option.

If you want an example of someone who is offering peaceful solutions and nonviolent actions in the hopes of: ending the conflict in Iraq, intervening in Sudan, building bridges instead of bombing them, curtailing abortion, ending state-sanctioned execution, and uniting people to curtail death by poverty… and also happens to be an evangelical Christian minister, check out Jim Wallis’ organization: http://www.sojourners.com/

I genuinely hope that this inspires some open, fruitful dialogue and mutually mindful efforts to build common ground. It is not a place to attack people for their beliefs, but a place to share them in a way that we can all grow together. I don't know if I have done that with my post, but that was my intention.
Shanti, Peace, Shalom,
Brad

Happy News

Namaste,

I know that I have fallen way behind in my blogs, especially compared to Elizabeth. But I thought I would take a few minutes and update anyone who reads this on my life.

I spent the weekend in Chennai at a conference of Indian Christian Philosophers. It turned out to be a bit different than I had imagined, but it was good nonetheless and I heard several very good papers presented and was inspired to do some deeper research in my field.

When I returned home yesterday and read my email, I got an incredible letter from one of my professors. 2 weeks ago, my class presented and defended papers that we had written on ethics. My topic was on the Ethics of Vedanta from Radhakrishnan’s perspective. The professor told us at the beginning of the course that if our papers were strong enough, he would publish them in a book. The email that he sent me said that he is waiting for most of the students to rewrite and resubmit their papers, but he does not sound confident that the book will be published. However, he wrote that if the book does not happen, he would like to publish my paper as an article in the upcoming issue of the Journal of Dharma! That would be my first academic publication! So, either way, it looks like the article will be published – either in the book or in the journal (which is quite widely read).

What is more is that I learned that a paper that I wrote in February about the World Council of Churches is also being published, thanks to Dr. Ariarajah. That one is very exciting, as well, but it is not, strictly speaking, an academic publication.

I have one final day of “vacation” tomorrow (Thursday). Elizabeth and I have been invited to a conference for the weekend. This will be my 3rd conference in the last month and 2nd one in a week! Then classes start on Monday and I have 3 papers due. Two are nearly finished but one has not even been started.

I hope to hear from all of you soon. Please let us know that someone is out there reading!

God Bless,
Brad

My thoughts today

Since arriving in Bangalore, I've become an avid podcast listener. At first, I downloaded only programs that supported my personal views. There's nothing better than driving through the city on my scooter listening to someone who is, in effect, preaching to the choir. However, I've become increasingly aware, particularly after our ahimsa conference, of the importance of understanding the "other". There is so much that bonds us together on this earth, yet we fill our lives with vitriol and hatred by finding the little things that make us different. So with that thought in mind, I've tried to expand my listening.

Ever since 9-11, I've been a bit of a news junkie. If you look at the news links posted on our blog, we have quite a diverse list. BBCNews is a western based source that is traditionally looked at as being balanced. The Times of India is one of the largest papers here and is the paper that is delivered to our doorstep every morning. Al-Jazeera is the largest Middle Eastern news source, one which I find to be opinionated but not irrational in it's critique and commentary. In addition, there are two small town papers which represent the perspective of our formative years: Brad's in Spartanburg and mine in New Fairfield. My podcasts are similarly diverse. I listen to Democracy Now!, which is an independent news source out of New York City. I listen to a few science podcasts which update solely on scientific news. Lastly, I listen to James Dobson's Focus on the Family and Point of Inquiry. FotF represents one segment of the Christian population while PoI represents the agnostic/atheist crowd. I find both programs to be both insightful and infuriating.

One thing I find interesting, however, is that both the Evangelical Christians and the Materialists claim to be attacked by the media. FotF states that the media is doing everything it can to ensure that "values" voters (one of the most offensive and self-righteous descriptions that Christians have come up with to date) stay home during the election because the media is a liberal sea where the "chosen" are rejected and ridiculed. Meanwhile, PoI points to a bias where the media ignores facts for statements that will sell their newspapers. They say that the media and the country at large reject them as immoral demons and therefore push them to the side without consideration.

The problem that I have with both sides is not that there isn't an aspect of truth to what they are stating, it's more the gross generalizations that their claims make. The whole of the country is not against Christianity, in fact recent polls show otherwise. And while there are those who feel it is their right to judge others, there are large segments of the population that don't care what you believe as long as you act decently.

It's extraordinary to me how intelligent individuals can become so illogical so easily. I understand why emotion comes into play. If you attack what I believe, I'm going to be hurt and strike back. But we've gotten to the point where we are so quickly offended that we never take the time to question the intent of the other party. Or, we expand the thoughts and words of a few as a representation of the entire group. In our supposedly enlightened society, we end up sitting in the corner, being petulant children.

My greatest wish for our country is for us to get back to the ideals where we started: equality, liberty. The right of the many over the right of the few. I know how I translate this in my mind: healthcare, education, housing, job security. Instead of squabbling over things such as gay rights or the use of the word "God" in the pledge, let's get back to doing what we say we are meant to do. Let's feed the poor, clothe the naked, love the orphaned and free the oppressed.

In my church in New Jersey, we finished each service with the following prayer. Now, whether or not you believe in prayer is immaterial to me. What's more important is that we all acknowledge that Humanist, Christian, Muslim, Hindu, Jain, Jewish or any other form of faith, we all share these same goals of basic human decency.

The spirit of God is upon us.
God has anointed us
to bear good news to the afflicted,
to bind up the broken hearted,
to proclaim freedom to the captives,
to open the prisons of those who are bound.
Let us go forth in the name of Christ
to bring peace into broken relationships,
healing to alienated persons,
and justice into oppressive structures.
Amen.